You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole.
You can think of the media, the ideal, the girls and guys who are willing to look your way and date or possibly marry you, as the round hole.
Those pegs who fit into that round hole are the winners, the ideal, who have no problem fitting through that round hole.
But for some reason, so many of these round pegs cannot seem to fathom how those with different body types fail to make it through the round hole.
"Why cant they just work harder to make their way through that round hole?"
So those square and triangle, whatever shape and body pegs that don’t fit through that round hole, have problems.
They have to deal with trying to fit through the hole.
They have to deal with not getting the same benefits those who made it through get, like job opportunities, privileges, basic rights, dating benefits (so many benefits).
They are believed to be failures, lazy, and ugly.
And on top of all of that, they have to hear those perfectly round pegs tell them:
"It’s your fault!"
"It’s easy, I did it!"
"You must be doing this & that wrong"
"You must be using the wrong face wash, that’s why you have acne"
"You must not be exercising like I do, that’s why you cant lose the fat on your thighs & fit into the size 2 jeans I wear, & have thinner thighs, like I do, like my thighs."
"You need to drink green tea like I do, that’s how you’ll have a thigh gap like mine."
"Wait…you are doing the exact same things that I am doing? oh well then you must be doing something else wrong, because it worked for me, so it must be able to work for you."
……How about the fact that I’m a square peg. This is a round hole. You are a round peg. I will not fit through that round hole like you can, because I, am a square peg, and you, are a round peg. Why don’t some of you round pegs with your “b/s solutions” who are “just trying to help” try fitting a damn square peg through a round hole!? NOT SO EASY, IS IT?! And I know, “maybe if you just tried out the solutions instead whine and moan about it, you would make it through that round hole” but oh round pegged people, us square pegs dedicate our lives to trying solutions that don’t work, and we know a whole lot about it. but even you must see that no cream, exercise, or magic, not even the holy plastic surgery for some, (the plastic surgeon telling them it just cannot be done). will magically turn a square peg into a round peg.
Instead of chipping away at the square peg - breaking it apart, cutting it, throwing it around, sucking all of the water out of it, removing every square thing about that square peg, essentially destroying it, so it can make its way through the round hole…..why not just make a square hole for the square pegs?
I hate it when people act like only conventionally attractive women are in danger walking or jogging down the street by themselves. People sometimes think this because they believe the only way men could harm women is by raping them, or threatening to do so. As an “ugly” woman who has had to discontinue my daily runs in my neighborhood due to feeling incredibly unsafe, my own life experience is a testament to the fact that this is completely untrue.
When I would go for a run, I would never seem to get far before encountering a group of young guys, usually different groups depending on the day, who would alert me to their presence by shouting at me, insulting my body and my looks. They would at times radiate aggression and even fury as if my appearance was making them so angry that they felt I deserved to be attacked, punished, or hurt in some way for it. Bear in mind that this was happening not in a run-down, crime-ridden area but in a fairly wealthy suburb with low crime rates, thus proving that this type if harassment can happen to a woman anywhere. I should also add that in each incident, I didn’t know any of these guys who were harassing me. I am lucky that so far no one has actually come after me so far,instead satisfying themselves with aggressive screams and shouts. But I do know of a girl who was not so lucky and actually HAD ROCKS THROWN AT HER by guys who were upset with the way she looked, and apparently felt the need to not only vocalize it but also attack her for it!
As you know, being struck hard in the head or spinal cord by a rock,could kill a person or leave the victim with permanent brain damage. When we live in a world where unattractive women and girls are being aggressively harassed and even physically attacked by men and boys, simply for the way that they look, the idea that the only threat men commonly pose to women is rape,and that only women endangered are stereotypically attractive ones is wrong, even dangerously wrong,and needs to be discarded by society as a whole. The behavior of these males is real and the damage they do is real as well. Being the focus of raw anger and aggression for something you can’t really control (your appearance) is every bit as damaging as as having your tits and ass remarked on in a drive-by “compliment” or being begged for a smile.Or it would be, except the reality is that being the focus of straight-up insults and aggression is in most cases far,far more threatening than being told your behind is attractive, and moreover it cannot ,in any way, be considered a compliment. For my part, I have been left somewhat traumatized by my frequent experiences and eventually became too afraid to go out running at all.
Interestingly,I have found that,when you ask around, it becomes clear that these issues of both verbal and physical harassment against the unattractive are much more common than you might have suspected. But unlike the “don’t be so cold, give me a smile!” type of harassment directed at more attractive women, you don’t hear stories of it blared from every direction, and the internet isn’t bombarded with rants about how it needs to stop, complete with considerably detailed stories from the writers, who occasionally seem to take a suspicious relish in describing exactly how their assets were complimented-whoops!-insulted.
But if the unattractive are being bullied, as proven by their own verbal admissions, why is it that they are not taking a stand to end the kind of male harassment that targets them, if the attractive clearly are? The answer seems to be that they cannot blame their good looks for attracting bullies, as the attractive people do. The unattractive are simply being bullied and attacked, in ways that could never be construed as having been complimented. When they tell their stories of being yelled at, they are not indulging in a humble brag about their good looks. In fact,they likely feel their admissions could simply leave them vulnerable to further bullying by highlighting the fact that they don’t have conventional good looks. But quiet acceptance of mistreatment is the best way to ensure than injustice continues, and the silence of a victim is the best advantage and the best guarantee of safety that a bully can have. These bullies need to know that society will come down on them, and that will only happen if their victims speak up.
It is time to speak out and stop enabling men who abuse women this way. People who don’t care about right and wrong will only stop a bad behavior in when they know the judgement of society will come down on them for it, because it has been deemed “socially unacceptable” by the masses. So talk. Share your stories of harassment, no matter what they are,and other people will open up. If anyone tries to judge you for it, tell them “People shouldn’t be judged for the way they were born. They should be judged when they make a CHOICE to bully other people.” Speaking out about an issue to create a culture change really works.People CAN move from having characteristics considered to be too taboo to even acknowledge or speak about, to having their differences accepted and their rights upheld.
For decades and even centuries, society considered the sexuality of LGBTQ people to be a taboo subject that could not be openly admitted and many of the people affected by that suffered discrimination in silence. What a coincidence that only after they began to speak out, admit their differences without the shame that society expected them to have, and call for better treatment from society, did they even begin to receive it! This backlash against LGBTQ discrimination would never have happened if people never started going about their daily lives while openly admitting that they ARE gay, bi, etc. Likewise, the abuse of ugly women will not be acknowledged or stopped until we admit that we are ugly and that we are not drowning in shame of it but rather accept ourselves for who we are. Sure being ugly might not be the ideal state of affairs,it’s certainly easier to be good-looking, just as it’s easier to be straight than gay,but logically speaking, it makes no sense to value yourself less because you were born into more difficult circumstances than someone else. That is exactly the same as saying an impoverished child should value themselves less just because they happened to be born into a poor family, while other people were born into families that are rich. That has nothing to do with how kind, smart or funny they are, so why would they value themselves less as a person? Being good-looking doesn’t make someone a better person than someone who is not, so why should you value yourself any less? Good looks don’t mean you are kind, caring, athletic, intelligent or talented and bad looks don’t mean you are not. As for being bad looking in and of itself, there is no actual reason to be ashamed of that. If you had to grab a ride home from a friend, and you thought their car had a hideous paint job, would you feel bad about yourself and get low self-esteem? If this sounds funny to you,it should be. You didn’t choose the car,you aren’t responsible for selecting the way it looks, so why should you feel bad about yourself? You haven’t made any bad decisions or done anything wrong. Likewise,you didn’t choose your appearance and you are not responsible for selecting it, so why should you feel bad? You haven’t done anything wrong. Technically, anyone who looks down on you for your appearance is not only being cruel but also stupid.
The bottom line is that women do not have to walk around receiving physical and verbal harassment for not being conventionally attractive. By sharing our stories we can create an openness and acknowledgement of our experiences that will result in greater awareness and a change to a culture in which being an ugly woman doesn’t automatically equal a lifetime of being bullied while pretending our problems don’t exist, but rather a lifetime as an equal and protected member of a society where our differences are acknowledged, accepted and stood up for.
We live in a culture that condones sexually shaming ugly and/or disfigured people while it stands up immediately for the rights of the the visually appealing.If anyone dares to call a woman a slut, sexually assaults her in any way or even shows any unwanted attention, or society is quick to condemn them, AS IT SHOULD BE. It took our “civilized” society long enough to even get to the point where it realized that condemnation was necessary. But the aesthetically disadvantaged are constantly told that they are less of a man or woman because of the way they look. The girls are mocked by men and boys about how nobody would ever want to have sex with them (although they were minding their own business!), they are publicly shamed by men young or old screaming about how their tits and ass are not the right size or shape, told while they are minding their own business that they if they have any sexual experience then they must have been fucked by a dog because no human male would ever have sex with them, and they are laughed at by people just for walking down the street looking the way they do. People need to speak out against this when they see it happen,but they are too afraid to stick out and look “uncool”. Women target other women as well, by saying things like “Oh, I’m glad that I don’t look like HER” when they come across one who is not attractive. In fact, a lot of the reason male bullies get away with treating women badly is that they take advantage of many women’s desperation to look attractive to them,at any cost. Women don’t speak out against these guys or stand up for other women because they think they are better and more valuable than the “ugly” woman who is being attacked.Therefore, these women are guilty of perpetuating the mistreatment of women just as much as the men are. They think they are better than unattractive women because they judge their worth by how much men value them sexually,when really this value system is just a deeply flawed social construct that needs to change. It is a representation of the same sort of mentality of inequality that thought it was acceptable to call gay people “fags” when insults and discrimination against them were built into the culture that we lived in. The idea that a woman’s sexual attractiveness determines her value as a person isn’t true(and the fact that our society currently endorses it means the biggest socially approved put-down a woman can receive is to be called sexually unattractive, or ugly-yet another reason why people need to take this kind of sexual harassment just as seriously as the kind that happens to conventionally attractive people.) But is there really any woman out there who thinks that the most she can ever accomplish in life is to serve as a sperm receptacle? This appearance-based value system is a lie that is being perpetuated by the type of perverted, selfish men and boys who want to use women as nameless, faceless tools to satisfy their sexual desires. And it is being bought into by women with low self-esteem who are desperate enough to settle for being valued only for the appearance of their bodies, just so they can feel like they have any value at all. They reward men who objectify women and join in the discrimination against “ugly” women just so they can protect the social system that they feel 99% of their self-worth comes from. And when they do this, the unattractive continue to be bullied and oppressed in a way that is socially sanctioned, and attractive women bar themselves from ever fully realizing that they can do and be so much more than they ever could while confined by such a perspective on their own value. A world we can be proud of is one where we each take responsibility to ourselves and others by standing up to the men who verbally and sometimes physically abuse unattractive women so that future generations will not have to spend their whole lives trapped by a lie.